How to minimize your stress level during the holidays

The holiday season can be wonderful.  A time to celebrate, get together, do joyful things (mainly eat)…  A stranger said “Happy Holidays” to me on the street and that was enough to keep me cheerful for the rest of the day.

But it is also true that the holidays create such a stressful time for a lot of us.   With something like 80% of North American families considered “dysfunctional,” most of us have had a fair share of family drama and trauma.  Therapists say that November – January is the most lucrative time for their businesses because of people being anxious and stressed out during this season.

So what do we do?  How can we cope with things that seem so out of our control?

As a holistic practitioner and therapist, here are my recommendations for minimizing your stress levels during the holiday season, and really, anytime at all:

1) Make a priority list.

Everyday, in the morning, start your day out with a few minutes of writing everything down in order of importance.  This is not just a to-do list, but a guide to maximize your productivity and minimize your inefficiency.

Write out everything that needs to get done that day, then get another piece of paper and order them.  Number one should be the one that is the most important item to get done, and on goes the list.  Be realistic about what you can get done.  I would say, start with 5-10 items on the list, depending on your needs and lifestyle, and then once you run out of things to do (wouldn’t that be awesome!?), make a new one.

For example, my list today looked like this:

1. Take Pacifica (our chihuahua mix) on a long walk

2. Stretch for 5 minutes

3. Ship out orders

4. Call vendors

5. Design work for client A – send out email

6. Update mamagoddess.ca and mamagoddess.com resources section

7. Meeting with doula client

8. Meeting with potential business partner

9. Send out holiday cards

10. Write blog post about how to have a stress-free holiday season

11. Update discount codes

12. Beef, broccoli and rice noodles for dinner

13. Phone consultation with client B

Now, I shouldn’t have to write that I need to take my dog on a walk, but sometimes if I’m not conscious and orders and phone calls are coming in and I have to do this and that, I end up not taking her out because she’s a tiny apartment dog.  She actually goes everywhere with me when I’m running around so she definitely doesn’t have to deal with being left alone at the house all day, but it should be my priority, just like if I were a mother, it would be my priority to feed and play with my baby.  So today, I felt the need to write it down, especially because I had some long meetings during which I wouldn’t be able to get the other stuff done.

I also shouldn’t have had to write that I need to stretch for 5 minutes – I should be able to find 5 minutes to stretch without a reminder, right?  But again, it’s something that I am trying to make a habit, so I wanted to write it down until it’s effortlessly embedded into my daily routine.  By the way, it’s an excellent 5-minute sequence called Makkoho (a Japanese meridian exercise method), so I recommend it to anyone who wants more flexibility and energy to give this a try.  It takes no time and it’s fun to do with your little ones, too (Oh, if only we could be as flexible as our babies!!)  Don’t overdo it, because that would actually be counterproductive and make you more tense.  I couldn’t find a lot of good sites in English, so I’ll put a link to this one from the Zen Center of Denver.   I’m going to start teaching this method combined with other exercises, so maybe I’ll make a video sometime!

Once you have your list, use it as a guide – again, don’t overextend yourself, make it realistic, so that you don’t feel like you’ve failed at the end of the day.

2) Don’t check your email throughout the day.

This is hard to do especially in this age of smartphones – but seriously, set specific times during the day to check and respond to email.  Do this for phone calls, too.  Think about how inefficient we all are when we have to “take a break” from whatever we’re doing because we’re incessantly checking our email and answering phone calls.  Again, this is where knowing what your priorities are helps. 

Focus on one thing at a time.

3) Collaborate and cooperate.

Don’t try and do everything on your own.  Involve everyone: your children, your partner, your family members and friends to help.  This is a great challenge for us motherly people, who are so accustomed to taking things on, even if we’re already overloaded.  Don’t do an activity or cook a dish that’s time-consuming just because you did it last year, if thinking about it makes you stressed out.

4) Don’t take anything personally.

This is a hard one!  We are so used to it.  We are so used to internalizing external expectations, criticisms, judgments and comments that come to us.  It’s hard to not take it personally when an in-law or a mean relative makes a negative remark about you or your actions.  But whatever they say is completely their problem.  Even if they call you names directly to your face, that is their problem.  Because if a person is truly happy and healthy inside, they wouldn’t have to act that way and project their negative feelings to you.  This can be a lifelong challenge for a lot of us, but it really helps lessen the burden on our hearts.  A book that has helped me personally is The Four Agreements (and the entire series) by Don Miguel Ruiz, a Toltec spiritual teacher.  Highly recommended.

5) Make sure you are physically strong and healthy.

Listen to your body.  If you are really tired, that means your body is telling you to rest.  If you feel like you’re coming down with something, don’t push it.  Take time for yourself.  Laugh and do breathing exercises with your children.  Involving them in relaxation activities can be a great way to relax yourself at the same time.  Maybe creating a time for family yoga or stretching time can turn into an activity your children can look forward to during the day.

Make sure you’re hydrated.  Dehydration is one of the often overlooked causes of many diseases, especially over a long period of time.  We don’t even notice that we’re dehydrated sometimes.  And don’t forget to breathe deeply – even when you’re rushing through an aisle at the grocery store with your toddler picking out random products and baby nursing in the cart and a million people are bumping into you, take a moment to breathe deeply and exhale everything out.  Seriously, it takes a second, and it energizes your whole body and brain.

This is all easier said than done, but once we can make the conscious choice to take care of ourselves a habit, it becomes that much easier to take care of all of our loved ones.  Family relationships can get very intense because it’s hard to establish boundaries between family members, but it is also a strong belief of mine that whether a family member brings in positive or negative energy into our lives, it’s still a blessing: either way, you can be grateful that they’ve taught you a lesson to be truly stronger at your core.  With that said, give yourself permission to release and let go when you need to.

I wish everyone a peaceful holiday season, no matter what your situation is.  You are a beautiful individual and you don’t have to blame yourself for anything.  You don’t have to feel guilty for anything.  You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for anybody.

You are you, and that’s a job nobody else can do, and you’re doing (being) it with perfection!

Thank you for reading, and please feel free to share your personal experiences and wisdom here.  We always love hearing from you.

Bringing Babies Gently into the World

In Indonesia, there is an incredible organization called Yayasan Bumi Sehat (Healthy Mother Earth) Foundation.  Led by midwife, author, mother of 8 and grandmother, Ibu (“Mother”) Robin Lim, who is one of the nominees for CNN Hero of 2011, the organization serves 17,000 clients and helps deliver 600 babies per year.

The numbers are extraordinary, but what’s more extraordinary is how they have succeeded to build an organization fully funded through private donations to provide birthing services and other health care services for women and families who can’t afford to give birth.  And this is all because one woman had the dedication, the passion, the love and absolute commitment to change the world.

Giving birth is no ordinary task anywhere, but in the communities around Bumi Sehat, it is an incredible challenge, because people who don’t have the money can’t afford to give birth in a hospital.  In fact, the hospitals won’t let the mothers take their babies until they’ve paid – this situation sometimes resulting in the baby being taken away from the mother to adoption.

Ibu Robin moved to Bali with her husband in 1994, after she lost her best friend, one of her midwives and also her sister and her sister’s baby, one after another.  Her sister died in childbirth, along with the baby.   Instead of being stuck in her deep sorrow, she sold her house in Hawaii and moved to Bali with her husband to start anew, to “reinvent” their lives, and there she saw a rampant need for pregnancy and infant care.   She began to provide free services to pregnant women and children out of her home.  She dedicated herself, her life, to serve families.  Over the next decade, as the demand grew, others joined her efforts to establish their first clinic in Ubud, Bali.

After the Sumatra tsunami in 2004, Robin’s organization was among the first to respond, with medical supplies and health services for the most devastated region of Aceh.

“With or without electricity, with or without running water, we midwives can deliver babies,” Robin convincingly says.

Centered around post-disaster healing, they established their second clinic in Aceh, where they provide maternity care and general health care services to people in need.  With 9,000 consultations and 75 births per year at this location, it is clear that Bumi Sehat was a much-needed sanctuary and it has clearly been making a tremendous difference in saving lives.

One of the leading causes of death for women in Bali is hemorrhaging after childbirth.  Not only is maternal and infant mortality at birth is among the highest in all of Asia, but “a child in Indonesia is 300 times more likely to die if they are on infant formula,” explains Robin.  The fight for survival is not just malnutrition during pregnancy and not getting care during childbirth because they can’t afford childbirth – it extends to the postpartum period as well.   This is why they educate women and families on breastfeeding at their clinics as part of postpartum care.

Robin and her team have a goal, that every woman, women of all economic backgrounds, can give birth gently, and of course, midwifery is an essential part of this.

What does this have to do with the rest of us in the birthing world – both mothers and professionals alike?

This isn’t just a remote cause in a remote location.   Ibu Robin is creating a massive shift in consciousness, bringing the power of birth back to the woman, one birth at a time.  She is the voice for all women, who have a right to safe, gentle, and natural birth practices.

Would you like to help for the sake of safe birthing?

Robin has been nominated for CNN Heroes of the year, 2011.  If she is chosen out of the Top 10, she will be able to receive $250,000 to help more women and children in need.  All you have to do is visit the CNN Heroes page, click on Robin Lim’s photo, put your email address in there and vote!  Thousands of her supporters do not have access to computers, so it’s essential that those of us who do take a minute out of our day to support this amazing woman and her dedicated team of midwives, staff and volunteers.

You can vote for Robin 10 times a day until December 7th.  All of our staff members have been doing this everyday, and we urge you to do the same so we can all be a part of the collective effort in making midwifery and safe birthing a normal aspect of women and babies everywhere in the world.

With peace and love,

Everyone at Mama Goddess

For more information about Ibu Robin’s work, visit http://www.bumisehatbali.org/

For videos and more stories: http://edition.cnn.com/SPECIALS/cnn.heroes/archive11/robin.lim.html

Fear of Childbirth Pain: Advice from Real Moms

What do you tell a friend when she is so afraid of pain during childbirth that there is no doubt in her mind she will get an epidural? …Or what if this person is you?

We asked our facebook Mama Goddesses what they would say to a woman who has fear for pain in childbirth.  Please feel free to forward this to a friend who needs it – these are powerful, empowering statements from real moms who have had natural births, coming straight from their hearts and experience.

“The pain will never be more than her because it is her.  Ina May says that, if she feels herself tightening up, blow horse lips, it will automatically make her loosen up, don’t think of it as pain but thing of it as energy or waves or something that isn’t a negative.  Outside of transition, the rest is easy and can be helped with counter pressure, water, changing positions. Hire a doula!” – Sarah J.

“Get in water, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. I felt the best with someone pressing hard on my tailbone, it relieved so much of the pressure. It will hurt but it will be over, and you will forget very quickly!” – Michelle B.

“Yes, it may be painful, but it is CONSTRUCTIVE pain.” – Kaitlin R. P.

“That’s a challenge! With so much fear, that will be a definite hindrance to an easy labor. I would concentrate on emphasizing that the pain comes and goes, so you get breaks, and that there are things to do beside drugs (all the stuff mentioned above) to help alleviate it. Also, I’d try to help my friend learn ways to cope with the fear. That will make it so much easier to cope with the pain.” – Kerry P. H.

“The pain isnt like typical pain… it can be empowering. Take control of it & keep thinking about what it is your body is doing. the more you keep yourself in control, the better you can focus on what you have to do. With an epidural, the intensity isn’t there & sometimes, you need that to get the baby out safely. When I had my daughter, the cord was around her neck.. I needed to get her out. With the next contraction, i pushed with everything I had & she was born. I don’t know if i could have done it if i didn’t have the intensity of the contraction to actually help me get “in the zone” ” – Carolyn M.

“READ THE HYPNOBIRTHING BOOK! xxx” – Maeve M.

“I would encourage her to talk with LOTS of us who have birthed naturally…and with some who have had epidurals. The former group can help create a healthier vision of what labor is like…the latter (such as my daughter who had an epidural for a surgery) can talk about the down side of epidurals. My daughter swore she would NEVER have another epidural and she birthed 2 babies at home without interventions. She is my hero– Sarah Reddin, a BBH member. Her labors were long and intense, but she never ever wanted the side effects of an epidural.” – Kate N.

“…free yourself of the notion of pain..use different language cos it’s self perpetuating otherwise. And it’s really important to look at the whole birthing experience as this most incredible journey and at the end of it you get to meet one of the most important, inspiring and amazing people of your whole life..the love is incredible.. that’s what she will hopefully focus on…” – Maeve M.

“I think in our culture we have been engrained to fear birth pain. Husband coached childbirth changed my idea of this. Yes, it’s intense and it can be painful, but there is a reward for all of it. It’s best to re-think the pain in childbirth as work “labor”. True hard work always pays off in the end and in this case, you get the best gift of all. The pain is momentary. When it gets as bad as you think, it’s already going away. We are just brainwashed by media and people who don’t know real normal birth to be afraid. Fear creates revenue!” – Kristina S.

“I would tell her that it isn’t the kind of pain you know. Not like a sprain or broken bone. It’s more like the pain of hard work, like running a marathon. It’s doable. I had back labour with the first one, and it was 24hrs long. the contractions are like tightening muscles, your body bringing out baby. It’s like the biggest and hardest workout! You know like Jillian MIchaels workouts! Educate yourself, find positions that help labour, like the ball or squatting. Having a Doula or Midwife will help! The worst thing you can do is tense up, you gotta let it all hang out!! When you tense up you are fighting the contrations, and that hurts!!! You gotta relax let your body do it’s thing, then it’s not painful, just a marathon:) BREATHE!” – Lauralee D.

“The power and intensity of your contractions cannot be stronger than you, because it IS YOU. ~ Unknown” – Beth P.

“I found the hypnobabies material very good to reduce fear, encourage deep relaxation, and remove sensations heightened by fear.” – Wild Plum Wellness

“There is more time spent in labour between contractions than in them.” – Ainsley T.

“The labor pains rushes bring one step closer to your beautiful baby. Labor prepares you for obstacles of parenthood a reflection of the new life to come. The contractions are do able give in surrender yourself to them don’t resist. The pain is what you make it. The pain can be orgasmic.” – Barbara-ann H.

A giant heartfelt thanks to the mamas above who shared with us their wisdom.  And remember, this wisdom is inherent in all of us.  Birth is a powerful re-birthing process for us, and it will bring out all the baggage we’ve carried throughout our lives.  Pregnancy and birth are times to release all of that and honor our abilities to be free of societal conditioning, past trauma and hurt.  We do this so that we can offer the best to our beautiful children who are doing the most challenging and amazing work of all: leaving our wombs to come out into this physical existence!

Fear can be a catalyst to re-birth.  Releasing that is a powerful process, and if we can do that – no matter how the birth turns out, it will be an empowering opportunity to bring two brand new lives into the world: your baby’s, and yours.

Keywords and further reading:

• Epidurals: Medical Risks
• Hypnobirthing
• Orgasmic Birth

(Please feel free to add more resources!)