Fear of Childbirth Pain: Advice from Real Moms

What do you tell a friend when she is so afraid of pain during childbirth that there is no doubt in her mind she will get an epidural? …Or what if this person is you?

We asked our facebook Mama Goddesses what they would say to a woman who has fear for pain in childbirth.  Please feel free to forward this to a friend who needs it – these are powerful, empowering statements from real moms who have had natural births, coming straight from their hearts and experience.

“The pain will never be more than her because it is her.  Ina May says that, if she feels herself tightening up, blow horse lips, it will automatically make her loosen up, don’t think of it as pain but thing of it as energy or waves or something that isn’t a negative.  Outside of transition, the rest is easy and can be helped with counter pressure, water, changing positions. Hire a doula!” – Sarah J.

“Get in water, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. I felt the best with someone pressing hard on my tailbone, it relieved so much of the pressure. It will hurt but it will be over, and you will forget very quickly!” – Michelle B.

“Yes, it may be painful, but it is CONSTRUCTIVE pain.” – Kaitlin R. P.

“That’s a challenge! With so much fear, that will be a definite hindrance to an easy labor. I would concentrate on emphasizing that the pain comes and goes, so you get breaks, and that there are things to do beside drugs (all the stuff mentioned above) to help alleviate it. Also, I’d try to help my friend learn ways to cope with the fear. That will make it so much easier to cope with the pain.” – Kerry P. H.

“The pain isnt like typical pain… it can be empowering. Take control of it & keep thinking about what it is your body is doing. the more you keep yourself in control, the better you can focus on what you have to do. With an epidural, the intensity isn’t there & sometimes, you need that to get the baby out safely. When I had my daughter, the cord was around her neck.. I needed to get her out. With the next contraction, i pushed with everything I had & she was born. I don’t know if i could have done it if i didn’t have the intensity of the contraction to actually help me get “in the zone” ” – Carolyn M.

“READ THE HYPNOBIRTHING BOOK! xxx” – Maeve M.

“I would encourage her to talk with LOTS of us who have birthed naturally…and with some who have had epidurals. The former group can help create a healthier vision of what labor is like…the latter (such as my daughter who had an epidural for a surgery) can talk about the down side of epidurals. My daughter swore she would NEVER have another epidural and she birthed 2 babies at home without interventions. She is my hero– Sarah Reddin, a BBH member. Her labors were long and intense, but she never ever wanted the side effects of an epidural.” – Kate N.

“…free yourself of the notion of pain..use different language cos it’s self perpetuating otherwise. And it’s really important to look at the whole birthing experience as this most incredible journey and at the end of it you get to meet one of the most important, inspiring and amazing people of your whole life..the love is incredible.. that’s what she will hopefully focus on…” – Maeve M.

“I think in our culture we have been engrained to fear birth pain. Husband coached childbirth changed my idea of this. Yes, it’s intense and it can be painful, but there is a reward for all of it. It’s best to re-think the pain in childbirth as work “labor”. True hard work always pays off in the end and in this case, you get the best gift of all. The pain is momentary. When it gets as bad as you think, it’s already going away. We are just brainwashed by media and people who don’t know real normal birth to be afraid. Fear creates revenue!” – Kristina S.

“I would tell her that it isn’t the kind of pain you know. Not like a sprain or broken bone. It’s more like the pain of hard work, like running a marathon. It’s doable. I had back labour with the first one, and it was 24hrs long. the contractions are like tightening muscles, your body bringing out baby. It’s like the biggest and hardest workout! You know like Jillian MIchaels workouts! Educate yourself, find positions that help labour, like the ball or squatting. Having a Doula or Midwife will help! The worst thing you can do is tense up, you gotta let it all hang out!! When you tense up you are fighting the contrations, and that hurts!!! You gotta relax let your body do it’s thing, then it’s not painful, just a marathon:) BREATHE!” – Lauralee D.

“The power and intensity of your contractions cannot be stronger than you, because it IS YOU. ~ Unknown” – Beth P.

“I found the hypnobabies material very good to reduce fear, encourage deep relaxation, and remove sensations heightened by fear.” – Wild Plum Wellness

“There is more time spent in labour between contractions than in them.” – Ainsley T.

“The labor pains rushes bring one step closer to your beautiful baby. Labor prepares you for obstacles of parenthood a reflection of the new life to come. The contractions are do able give in surrender yourself to them don’t resist. The pain is what you make it. The pain can be orgasmic.” – Barbara-ann H.

A giant heartfelt thanks to the mamas above who shared with us their wisdom.  And remember, this wisdom is inherent in all of us.  Birth is a powerful re-birthing process for us, and it will bring out all the baggage we’ve carried throughout our lives.  Pregnancy and birth are times to release all of that and honor our abilities to be free of societal conditioning, past trauma and hurt.  We do this so that we can offer the best to our beautiful children who are doing the most challenging and amazing work of all: leaving our wombs to come out into this physical existence!

Fear can be a catalyst to re-birth.  Releasing that is a powerful process, and if we can do that – no matter how the birth turns out, it will be an empowering opportunity to bring two brand new lives into the world: your baby’s, and yours.

Keywords and further reading:

• Epidurals: Medical Risks
• Hypnobirthing
• Orgasmic Birth

(Please feel free to add more resources!)

Treating Heartburn Naturally During Pregnancy

This article was previously published on the Mama Goddess newsletter.  Hope it helps – please feel free to add any remedies that worked for you!

Written By Dr. Gabrielle Steinberg, Dr.TCM, R.Ac, RHN from Harmony Wellness in Vancouver, BC

Heartburn during pregnancy is a very common, yet usually easily treatable condition with natural medicine.

Symptoms of heartburn include: burning sensation behind the breastbone, upper abdominal fullness or heaviness, chest pain, especially while lying down at night, sour taste in the mouth, coughing, wheezing, hoarseness, sore throat, regurgitation of food or liquid, excessive gas or belching.

What are the causes of Heartburn during pregnancy?

• Hormones- During pregnancy your body releases hormones which relax the muscles in your body. This can cause the muscles that close of the upper stomach to relax, releasing gastric acid from your stomach into your esophagus, causing irritation.

• Eating acidic or greasy foods- Spicy, highly seasoned, fried food, fatty foods, tomatoes, citrus fruits, vinegar, and mustard can contribute to acid stomach.

• Baby- Your growing baby puts pressure on your stomach, giving you less room. This can literally squeeze the contents of your stomach out

• Morning Sickness- The symptoms of morning sickness such as nausea and vomiting can also create heartburn.

What can be done to prevent Heartburn during pregnancy?

• Eat small, frequent meals- Eat little meals every few hours instead of big meals. This will keep you from over-filling your stomach.

• Chew Your Food Well- Chewing stimulates your salivary glands and helps digest your food better, faster and more completely. Saliva can act as a natural antacid. Even chewing gum after a meal can be helpful.

• Avoid caffeinated beverages, tea, coffee, and carbonated beverages. Also chocolate, acidic foods like citrus, vinegar and tomatoes, raw onions and garlic, black pepper, processed meat and spicy or greasy foods. If you are going to consume acidic foods try adding a pinch of baking soda.

• Don’t lie down immediately after you eat.

• Wear loose fitting clothes.

• Walk around after you eat- walking and movement stimulate your digestive process.

• Bend at the knees instead of at the waist. Bending at the waist puts more pressure on your stomach.

• Sleep with your head propped up slightly Try placing 4-5 inch blocks or bricks under the foot of the head of your bed. This will incline your bed slightly and help keep the contents of your stomach inside your stomach.

• Exercise regularly.

• Manage your stress. Try breathing deeply when your stress levels rise.

At Mama Goddess USA, we also started carrying the Heartburn Comfort by Mommy’s Bliss.  The active ingredients in it are Calcium Carbonate (300 mg) and Magnesium Hydroxide (29 mg).  These chewable (non-chalky) tablets provide fast-acting relief for heartburn during pregnancy, so it’s definitely handy to have around! 

To learn more about the product, please visit this page and read the “description” and also the “extended information” tab for FAQ’s. 

Naming Our Children

When a woman is expecting, often, one of the first questions that she gets asked is this:  “So have you thought about any names?”

Choosing a name is an important part of the initiation into parenthood.

In Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wind in the Door (part of the Wrinkle in Time quintet), the theme of naming and un-naming determines the course of the story.  The evil powers, with all their might, attempt to un-name everything in the universe, in their grand plan of trying to erase it.  The protagonist, Meg, finds out that she is a “Namer,” who does the opposite of what the evil “Echthroi” do – she names things with love and care, giving them life and creative power.

This science-fantasy novel is pointing at something remarkable – that a name is not just a word to identify someone, but it is the identity of that person.  It is the thing that blows life into the spirit.  And what is more powerful and beautiful than a parent giving a name to their child, with all their love, hopes and dreams for their future?

There are as many ways to choose names as there are individual parents who are naming their children.  Some may find comfort in a simple name or a popular name, and others may want something unique or different, or be named after someone, a place, or something else that is significant to them.

And for some, the names just come to them.

One of my best friends back home in Tokyo had an amazing experience with the name of her daughter, her second child.  She wanted to choose a name that would work in both English and Japanese, and although her and her husband thought of a few different ones, she was secretly set on the name “Lila” (lee-lah).  She also thought of what characters to use for the name (in Japanese, you can choose from hundreds of different characters that all have different meanings for each syllable).  What she came up with for the characters were not very common (in fact, she’s probably the only one with this name, which is unusual in Japan in the first place, with these characters).   At this point, neither her nor her husband had told anybody else about the name, let alone about what characters to use.

Out of the blue, her mother-in-law called to say that she had written them a letter about something important, and asked if she could send it to them.  They thought this was very strange, but of course they told her that it was okay to send the letter.  When the letter arrived and they read it, they were in such shock and awe that they really couldn’t comprehend what was happening, and at the same time, understood immediately that this unborn child had a powerful spirit already.

In the letter, her mother-in-law told them about a dream that she had had recently, a dream in which there was a strong message from some greater power.  For this lady who is not very spiritual to write a letter about a message that came to her in a dream was very out of the ordinary.

In the dream, she was told that the baby’s name must be “Lila,” with the exact same characters that my friend had thought about!  Her mother-in-law saw the characters in the dream, and because it was such an intense and different dream, she felt like she had to write it down and tell them in a letter.

I still remember the day she called me about this.  “I guess the baby made the final decision for you!”  My friend was just amazed at the connection that she already had with the little life growing inside of her.

I cried when she told me.  I cried not only because it’s an amazing, unbelievable story, but because it just affirmed to me that birth is magical and miraculous.  Because it proved to me that our babies are messengers, angels who come into our lives, full of creative and loving energy.

How are you naming your children? Whether they come to us in a dream or you search the internet for ideas, if we do it with our utmost care and love, your children will own their names, and they will have it as a guide to move through life and fulfill their life’s purpose.

The Pros and… Pros… of Mesh Panties!

by Mayu, Mama Goddess USA

Okay, okay, a whole blog post about mesh panties, I know.  But if we were to choose a single item out of our entire store inventory to give a VIP award to -  it would be none other than these wonderfully stretchy, seamless, comfy pairs of disposable wonder.

For those of you who don’t know what disposable mesh panties are, they are exactly what they say they are.  They are mesh, and they are panties.  Disposable, yes, but also reusable (until they rip or lose their elasticity.  Just wash with mild soap and air dry).  They are mainly used for postpartum mamas and post-op patients.  The customers who buy them from our store include both, and often times they are in both categories, having had a cesarean birth, which is a birth and a surgery at the same time.

They hold maternity pads in and create no pressure anywhere so really, these are the only comfortable things you can wear after giving birth, vaginally or not.

And then there’s me.  Never had a child nor a surgery.  This has been a long time secret, and I wasn’t sure if I should publicly announce on our blog that I LOVE to wear mesh panties during my moon time – but once I tried them on (just curious how they felt – testing our products ya know), I couldn’t go back to my pre-MP life.  Now, I don’t rock them during the day (…yet) but they are so comfortable to sleep in, also during pre-moon time (I love using this phrase now instead of PMS – thanks to the authors of Moon Mysteries), when I’m feeling bloated and just want to be comfortable.  For those of you who may take offense to the fact that I’m enjoying these things when you may be in a situation where you have no other choice… I do apologize.  When I do use them for their real purpose, I’m sure my love for them will grow even deeper.

To honor these star athletes of the Mama Goddess team, we’ve created a new kit: The Perineal Healing Kit.  This kit has all the items for recovering perineum care, and includes mesh panties, peri bottles, a sitz bath, maternity pads and our Perineal Healing Wash.  As with any of our kits, you get a slight discount by purchasing the items together instead of individually.

To find the Perineal Healing Kit in Canada, click here.  The US/all other countries, click here.

Thanks for reading

Supporting Midwives & Homebirths

One of the main missions of Mama Goddess Birth Shop is to support professionals who are dedicating their lives to helping women get ready for and give birth, as well as support them postpartum.

Being a store that sells birth supplies, the best way we can do so is by providing them with the essential items needed during birth.  We set up a whole product page for a midwife/midwifery clinic, so that all a client has to do is visit that page and buy the kit.  As a token of our appreciation to both the clients and the midwives, we have recently set a 5% discount on the kit plus a 5% thank-you commission for the midwives.  The customers save, and the midwives get something out of using our services, too

Providing custom birth kits is such a wonderful way for us to stay in touch with the beautiful advocates for natural birth, the mothers of all mothers, who are our midwives, doulas and childbirth/postpartum professionals.

Until my sister was pregnant and preparing to give birth at home, I had no idea that home births required so many little items!

My first exposure to home birth was watching the beautiful DVD, Birth Day, in my Child Psychology class during my university training as a music therapist (yes, I had a professor so awesome that he showed us that DVD in class on the topic of child birth. More on this another time!).  But that DVD doesn’t show all the little items that is necessary during birth – especially because being a midwife herself, her birth is not assisted by people other than her family, and she gets to give birth in her own deep tub at her beautiful country home in Mexico.

Anyway, when my sister’s midwives gave her the list of items she needed to purchase, I remember it being quite overwhelming and also exciting, like a first-time camper with her shopping list of camping items.

For those of you who haven’t had the experience yet to know what is in a home birth kit, here’s just an example of what might be included:

• 24 blue under pads
• 12 maternity pads
• 3 mesh panties
• 2 waterproof sheets
• 6 4×4 Gauze
• 1 peri bottle
• 4 paper covered straws
• 4 Emergen-C
• 2 1-lb packages of epsom salts
• 1 bottle hydrogen peroxide
• 1 bottle witch hazel
• 3 alcohol swabs
• 1 paper tape measure
• 1 large ziploc bag
• 2 large garbage bags
• 1 newborn baby hat
• 1 umbilical cord clamp
• 1 bulb syringe

On top of this, if you’re having a water birth, then you would want to prepare the hose, a floating thermometer, debris net, tarps, etc. and of course, the pool itself, whether you’re renting or buying, or your midwives are bringing them.  (For more information on water birth supplies, check out our article here.)  Contact us if you want to know what specific items are used for, or if you have general questions about birthing.

Each midwife has her own specific needs and styles, so that’s why a custom birth kit is an essential part of a midwifery practice.  If you are with a midwife, it would be wonderful if you could let them know that we are here and willing to support them as fellow advocates of homebirth.

We are happy to announce that the newest addition to our Custom Birth Kits is the Freedom and the Seed Birth Kit!  Freedom and the Seed is a midwifery clinic in Tempe, Arizona.  To find out more about their wonderful practice, please click here.  We look forward to serving them and their clients, as well as all of our midwives.

We believe midwifery is one of the most important jobs in the world – and would like to take this opportunity to send our deepest gratitude and love to all midwives out there, many of whom are probably assisting a woman in labor as we speak.

—

At Mama Goddess Birth Shop, we create custom birth kits for qualifying birth care providers, including midwives, doulas, naturopathic doctors, childbirth educators, lactation consultants, physicians, nurses, clinics, wellness centers, and more.  We value the availability of access to all birthing choices for all women, by providing a one-stop place with high professional quality birthing and postpartum items for families and birth professionals. The custom kits provide a 5% discount off the retail pricing, for your clients’ convenience. For every birth kit purchased, you will be receiving a 5% commission.  We will also promote your services on our website, free of charge.  We strive to create a positive environment for the valuable work that childbirth professionals do, and we hope to be a nurturing place for everyone involved.  For care providers interested in creating a custom birth kit with us, please e-mail us or call us at 1-888-588-7417 x 2 with your name or business name, and we will send you a detailed order form.  Please let us know if we can answer any questions.  Thank you!

Book Review: Moon Mysteries

What a much-needed piece of work!

Moon Mysteries: Reclaiming Women’s Menstrual Wisdom is delivered with the most soul-satisfying art, anecdotes, advice and ancient wisdom.

Separated into 13 chapters, reflecting the 13 lunar months in a year, Nao Sims and Nikiah Seeds’ honest and profound words interweave eloquently with Eyan Myers’ flowing, powerful paintings and drawings that remind us of divine feminine energy.

Here are some of our favorite excerpts and summaries of the thirteen chapters:

Chapter 1: Cycling moon ~The Moon & Menstruation

This chapter starts out with exploring the etymology of the “menstruation” and the history of the lunar/menstrual cycle going from being honored as sacred to being buried by patriarchal oppression.  It is about reclaiming and realizing the power of the cycle that is our birth right.  There is detailed suggestions on how to chart your own moon cycle chart (the charts also come in the book – 13 for the whole year).

Chapter 2: Earth Moon ~Woman’s Connection to the Earth

This chapter reminds us of how deeply connected we are with the rhythm of nature: “The Great Mother was celebrated and respected throughout the ancient world, as were women, because of the shared qualities between the female body and that of the Earth.”

Chapter 3: Wolf Moon ~Reclaiming the Wild Soul

This chapter explores the untamed, instinctive spirit of the wild woman.  This is about celebrating the wildness of the divine feminine.  We love the part where the authors re-name PMS to PMT = pre-moon time! Instead of the stifling and negative connotations that pre-menstrual syndrome have.  “Our pre-menstrual rage can actually be a healthy way for the body and soul to clear out what is no longer serving us.”

Chapter 4: Blood Moon ~The Sacredness of Menstrual Blood – a History

The power of the menstrual blood was honored in many ancient cultures as the blood of life.  Menstruation provided women to connected to other women to create a support network.  It is a sacred event that even men recognized, as in the Navaho tribe of men inventing sweat lodges to purify themselves because they did not have the ability to bleed like women.

Chapter 5: Ritual Moon ~Creating Our Own Menstrual Customs

This chapter introduces ideas for having a ritual during our menses, along with Nao’s personal story of her first moon, as well as choosing healthy menstrual products.

Chapter 6: Dreaming Moon ~The Dream World and the Blood Cycle

How are dreams and our menstrual cycles connected? This chapter encourages the practice of observing dreams in relation to the cycle of the body.  Nao’s personal dream work reveals the deep connection between dreams and our bodies.

Chapter 7: Green Witch Moon ~Healing Our Bodies with Women’s Wisdom

This is a chapter dedicated to midwives, witches and herbalists, the healers of the world.  It contains several healthy & delicious recipes that use herbs and vegetables (even a dark chocolate cake!).

Chapter 8: Lovers Moon ~The Moon of Sacred Sexuality

We cannot talk about our cycles without recognizing our sexuality.  This chapter delves into the varying sexual desires and changes that occur throughout our cycle, and even about love making during menstruation, which is something that is not openly talked about by most.  Nikiah’s personal story about learning to be a sexual adult concludes this chapter with great insight and self-awareness.

Chapter 9: Fertile Moon ~Reclaiming Our Fertility

This chapter talks about ovulation, about knowing when you are fertile, about the pill, and becoming fertile again after giving birth to a child.  Fertility is not just physical, but affects us in emotional, spiritual and mental ways.  A beautiful chapter, full of personal stories that make the reader think about her own relationship with fertility.

Chapter 10: Mother Moon ~Women as Mothers

What is Motherhood? From Nao’s exploration of making a choice to be a parent or not, to Nikiah’s look at motherhood as a spiritual practice, this chapter shows us the incredible initiation that is a part of becoming a mother.  The end of the chapter talks about our own mothers, and about making space and taking care of ourselves.

Chapter 11: Shadow Moon ~The Shadow Side of Our Blood Cycles

This chapter reveals the sadness and hurt that we can experience during our cycles.  Inanna (also known as Ishtar, Astarte and Enheduanna), a goddess who descends into the underworld, appears in this chapter to challenge us to look at our own dark sides, to empower ourselves to claim all aspects of who we are as a woman, as a mother, as a being.

Chapter 12: Temple Moon ~The Inner Temple of Woman

Our wombs, the sacred temple of our bodies.  This chapter shows us that our inner temple and physical temple reflect each other, that we need boundaries around out temples in order to give, that it is important to look at the state of our inner temples as well as our outer temples.

Chapter 13: Serpent Moon ~The Feminine Cycle of Death and Rebirth

The last moon of the year, the thirteenth one, represents the end of a cycle, which is also the beginning.  The book ends with the voice of a wise gypsy grandmother, who is the vessel for the poetic, potent words that the authors deliver to us throughout the journey of Moon Mysteries.

Reading this book is like waking up to a whole new level of awareness about your own body, psyche and spirit.  It is an enjoyable read as much as it is practical, full of personal as well as historical background information and insight, including an immensely helpful resources guide.

All around, this is an important, valuable book, and it is with great honor and confidence that we recommend it to all women, no matter where she is in her cycle of life.

Click here to purchase the book in Canada

Click here to purchase the book in the US/all other countries

For a preview of the book, visit:

http://www.moonmysteries.com/inside-the-book

A Home Birth Story: The Birth of Alaina Diana Remer

January 19, 2011
11:15 a.m.
7lbs, 8oz; 20 inches

By Molly Remer

©Portraits & Paws Photography

It was a full moon, and I spent a restless, up and down night, getting up at 3:00 a.m. and even checking in with the college class I teach online. My husband Mark got up with me and we talked and speculated. Waves were four minutes apart and then kind of dissipated unenthusiastically away. He went back to bed at 4:00 and I listened to Hypnobabies. At 6:00, I was feeling trapped lying down and got up. Mark got up then too and worked in the kitchen on the dishes and things like that, while I walked around and leaned on the half wall during contractions (it was the perfect height). Sitting down in a chair caused horribleness, leaning forward on the half wall was good. I called my mom and told her to be on standby and to notify my blessingway mamas and also called Summer (doula/friend) to be on alert. I was having back involvement with each wave. I felt like I would have a real contraction and then a closely following, but milder, back-only contraction (no tightness in uterus really during these, but definitely a wave-like progression and then ease of sensation).

I was very quiet during most waves until the end of labor. I think because I was using Hypnobabies and was concentrating on that. Then, I would talk and analyze and be very normal in between. This pattern seemed to lead to a decreased perception of seriousness from others of my need for attention—Mark washed dishes, went outside to take care of chickens, work on fire, feed cats and so forth. My two boys woke up at 7:00 a.m. and as soon as they came out and started talking to me, I knew they needed to go elsewhere. We called my mom at 7:30 and she came to get them. I did not want to feel watched or observed at all, so asked her to wait to come back.

I kept waiting for the “action” to increase and feeling distressed that it was taking such a “long” time. I suggested to the baby that she come out by 10:00. I continued to stand in the kitchen and lean on the half wall, sometimes the table or the bathroom counter. I was dismayed to see no blood or mucous, nothing indicating any “progress.” Significant feelings of pressure and pain in lower back continued and at the time felt normal to me, but looking back seems like an extra dose of back involvement. In another intensity-increasing experience, the baby moved during contractions for the entire labor until the contraction before I pushed her out. She moved, wiggled and pushed out with her bottom and body during each contraction, which really added a new layer of intensity that was difficult. I was, however, glad she was moving because then I knew she was okay, without doing any heart checks.

I went into the living room, very tired from bad sleep during the night. We set up the birth ball in the living room so I could sit on it and drape over pillows piled onto the couch. I spent a long time like this. Mark sat close and would lightly and perfectly stroke my back. Continued to use Hypnobabies—finger-drop, peace and release, with most waves.

Mark fixed me chlorophyll to drink and I threw it up immediately. Called Mom to come back at 9:00 or so, at which point I finally had a little bloody show. Kept up my ball by the couch routine and moved into humming with each wave. I also worked with some contractions on the floor leaning over the ball.

On the ball, I began to feel some rectal pressure with each wave. However, I felt like the waves were erratic still, with some very long and intense and then smaller ones. Hums began to become oooohs and aaaaahs and I began to feel like there was a bit of an umph at the end of the oooooh. Went back to the bathroom and there was quite a bit more bloody mucous and I started to fret about placental abruptions and so forth. Left the bathroom analyzing how much blood is too much blood and began to critique myself for being too “in my head” and analytical and not letting my “monkey do it.” Said I still didn’t feel like I was in “birth brain” and wondered if that meant I still had a long time to go. I started to feel concerned that I was still early on. This is a common feature of all of my births and is how the self-doubt signpost manifests for me. Rather than thinking I can’t do it, I start thinking I’m two centimeters dilated.

I almost immediately returned to the bathroom feeling like I needed to use the toilet. Serious contractions on toilet produced more pressure with associated umphs at the end. At some point in the bathroom, I said, “I think this is pushing.” I was feeling desperate for my water to break. It felt like it was in the way and holding things up. I reached my hand down and thought I felt squooshy sac-ish feeling, but Mom and Mark looked and could not see anything. And, it still didn’t break. Mom mentioned that I should probably go to my birth nest in order to avoid having the baby on the toilet. My birth nest was a futon stack near the bathroom door. I got down on hands and knees after feeling like I might not make it all the way to the futons. I felt like I wanted to kneel on hard floor before reaching the nest.

At this point, I suddenly became obsessed with checking her heartbeat. I knew you’re supposed to do so during pushing and I had stopped feeling her moving painfully with each contraction. I couldn’t find her heartbeat and started to feel a little panicky about that as well as really uncomfortable and then threw the Doppler to the side saying, “forget it!” because big pushing was coming. I was down on hands and knees and then moved partially up on one hand in order to put my other hand down to feel what was happening. Could feel squishiness and water finally broke (not much, just a small trickle before her head). I could feel her head with my fingers and began to feel familiar sensation of front-burning. I said, “stretchy, stretchy, stretchy, stretchy,” the phone rang, her head pushed and pushed itself down as I continued to support myself with my hand and I moved up onto my knees, with them spread apart so I was almost sitting on my heels and her whole body and a whole bunch of fluid bloodshed out into my hands. She was pink and warm and slippery and crying instantly—quite a lot of crying, actually. I said, “you’re alive, you’re alive! I did it! There’s nothing wrong with me!” and I kissed her and cried and laughed and was amazed. I felt an intense feeling of relief. Of survival. I didn’t realize until some moments later that both Mark and Mom missed the actual moment of her birth. Mark because he was coming around from behind me to the front of me when I moved up to kneeling. My mom because she went to stop the phone from ringing. I had felt like the pushing went on for a “long” time, but Mark said that from hands and knees to kneeling with baby in my hands was about 12 seconds. I don’t know. With birth, the inner experience is different than outer observation. What I do know is that the moment of catching my own daughter in my hands and bringing her warm, fresh body up into my arms was the most powerful and potent moment of my life.

©Sincerely Yours Photography

I feel the moment of her birth was an authentic “fetal ejection reflex” including the forward movement of my hips. The immediate postpartum went exactly as I had planned. Summer arrived approximately 20 minutes after Alaina was born. She brought me snacks, wiped blood off of me, and served me a tiny bit of placenta (which I swallowed with no problem!). My midwife arrived approximately 40 minutes post-birth and assessed blood loss and helped with placenta. She said I lost about 3 cups of blood, but I think all of the fluid that came out with the baby, plus the blood from the tears, may have bumped the estimate up too high. I did not feel weak or tired like I’d lost too much blood, I felt energetic and really good, actually. I didn’t get faint in the bathroom either and my color stayed good throughout that day and into the next days postpartum.

My post-birth feelings were different this time. I feel more baby-centered in my feelings about it rather than self-empowerment centered. I also feel more critical in my own self assessment this time—like I didn’t “perform” well or handle myself well. I hypothesize that this may be related to using a hypnosis for birth program, because I didn’t feel “calm and comfortable” on the inside. On the outside I think I looked it, but my internal experience involved more “should” than I like. The hypnosis philosophy wasn’t really a match with my own lived experience of birth. Birth isn’t calm, quiet, and comfortable and I don’t actually think it should be or that I want it to be. However, I was trying to make it so and thus not using some of my own internal resources. I felt more mind/body disconnect than I have before also, perhaps because I was trying to use a mind (“control”) based method on such an embodied process.

When she was three days old, I wrote this in my journal:
She is so wonderful and amazing and beautiful and perfect and I just want to etch these days into my mind forever and never forget a single, precious, beautiful, irreplaceable moment. I want to write everything down to try to preserve each second of these first few days with baby Alaina—my treasure, my BABY! The one I hoped for and feared for and worked SO HARD to bring to this world (in pregnancy more so than in birth).
What do I want to remember?

• The scrunchy feel of a newborn’s body.
• The little mewing squeaks and sighs
• How she is comforted by my voice and turns to me with a smacky, nursie face…
• The soft, soft skin
• The soft, soft hair
• The fuzzy ears and arms
• The little legs that pull up into reflexive, fetal position.
• The utter, utter, MARVEL that I grew her and that she’s here. That she came from me. That sense of magic and wonder and disbelief when I look over and see her lying next to me—how did YOU get here?!
• The miraculous transition from belly to baby. From pregnant woman to motherbaby unit. How does it happen? It is indescribably awesome.
• The sleeping profile
• The scrunchy face
• The “wheeling” half coordinated movements of arms and legs—sort of “swimming” in air.
• The peace of snuggling her against my chest and neck.
• The tiny, skinny feet.
• Putting my hand on her back and feeling her breathe, just like in utero

I was still scared she was going to die until the moment I held her.
Molly Remer, MSW, ICCE is a certified birth educator, writer, and activist. She is a professor of human services, an LLL Leader, and editor of the Friends of Missouri Midwives newsletter. She has two living sons and an infant daughter and blogs about birth at http://talkbirth.wordpress.com

A Mama Goddess without children

Life presents us with many challenges and opportunities, and becoming the owner of Mama Goddess included both (although these two words are often synonymous).

Just so there is no confusion (since a lot has changed in the past year or two), the current Mama Goddess structure is this: I, Mayu Kawata, run the Mama Goddess USA store, and Jill Colpitts, also owner of Midwifery Supplies Canada, runs the Mama Goddess Canada store as a franchise.  Jill and her husband Paul (and their adorable little helper Annika) have been amazing operators of the Canada store and I am so blessed to have them on board.

Mama Goddess was something that fell into my lap.  When my sister Maria, doula and mother of a wonderful 3-year-old boy, purchased the business from Nikiah last year, Maria asked me if I could do this with her, so I became her partner.  When we had to move to the US from Vancouver, we took the business with us, and left Jill with the running of the Canada store.  At the end of the year, Maria moved to Hawaii for personal and professional reasons, and so my husband and I decided to continue Mama Goddess out of San Francisco.

Mama Goddess is finally at a place where we feel that it is stable and ready for exponential growth, now that our personal lives have settled.  I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of our customers for their loyalty, faith and patience during all of this transition.

So all that was the logistical aspect of our transition.  For me personally, there was also a huge internal, emotional transition.  Having been a music therapist, teacher and holistic health practitioner, my lifestyle always focused on holistic well-being, and I knew a fair amount about natural childbirth, but I was by no means a professional in the birthing world.  So during the year I ran Mama Goddess with Maria, she taught me a great deal, and I also started studying more and learning from other professionals.  There’s still much more to learn and I am in love with this learning process.

But something was wrong.  I didn’t feel like I deserved to be the owner of Mama Goddess.  I felt like I had to hide the fact that I had no children.  I felt like I should make excuses about why I am doing this when I haven’t given birth myself.

When I realized that I was feeling bad because I don’t have any children, a multitude of questions came up:

1. Can I truly be of service to women giving birth if I haven’t given birth myself?

2. Does it make me less of a person, less of a woman not to have children?

3. Then what about all the midwives, doulas and healers I know who don’t have children?

4. Does this mean I want children right now?

5. Am I ready to have children?

6. Should I confess to everyone that I don’t have children?

These questions may sound ridiculous, but they were honest, raw questions that brewed inside my mind.

Then something shattering happened: the sudden death of our beloved mother, the person who supported us the most in our Mama Goddess venture, the woman all three of her daughters always aspired to be, suddenly gone into another realm of being.

This really made me inquire even deeper about motherhood and the continuation of life, but at the same time, when something so major happens – it can also clear the way to start anew, to look at life in a whole new light.

I still have no clear answers to those questions.  But I can now ask my mom when I’m confused or lost – and even though I can’t physically hear her voice, I can hear her in my heart, and this is what she tells me:

Go with the flow.  Everything has its perfect timing.  If you have a choice to do something good, do it and do it wholeheartedly.  But you don’t need to rush, you can take breaks.  If you see a nice bench as you’re climbing a hill, sit there and rest for a while.  Just keep at it at your own pace.

Can I be a Mama Goddess with no children?

All I can say is that I am and will continue to do the best that I can.  It won’t be perfect, but that’s what motherhood is, right? Always doing our best, but not going against the flow.  Always doing our best, but not being too hard on ourselves.  Always thinking of our babies first, but taking care of ourselves when we can.

For now, Mama Goddess Birth Shop is my beautiful, adopted baby, and I hope I can nurture it to the best of my abilities, so that she will continue to grow into a being that will make a positive difference in the world.

And when I do have my human children, I hope that she will be a great older sibling who will peacefully help me bring them into the world – with her waterbirth pool, blue pads and mesh panties!

Love & many blessings to all mamas of the world.

Thank you for reading.