“I need to do something” – but for whom?

Today, my son has a fever and has reminded me of a very important thing. He’s not much of a napper but has been sleepy since this morning and I was wondering why. It didn’t help that it was a Monday morning so I had been on the phone a lot, we were getting our dryer fixed, the kitchen had to be cleaned, the list went on. He had been pretty happy and patient, playing with his trains and snacking until he came for a snuggle and started to dose off. His temperature started to rise very quickly I instantly knew he was getting a fever. He nestled himself in my lap and arms and breastfed. He was so gentle and calm and knew exactly what to do. I let him be for a bit, relieved by his calmness.

A couple of hours later, my dog barked loudly and my son who was just dosing off in my arms started to cry. He got red and really hot. Soon after, he breastfed and started to sleep again. In that moment, I felt a bit of panic and guilt. I had been sitting all early afternoon on my couch pretty relaxed, with him snuggled on me, breastfeeding on and off, getting some work done on my laptop, while he went in and out of his sleep calmly. Had I not been doing enough? If I did something more, anything, would I have been a better mother? Would I have looked like a better mother because it would look like I was caring for him better? Rather than producing milk internally, will making him soup look like I’m putting more effort in? A more caring mother? Should I be calling a doctor because that seems like a responsible thing to do when your child has a fever? But all I did was sit on my butt with him on me, looking like I was doing nothing. Or was I?

So here is where my train of thought took me. Intuitively, I believe I was doing the right and best thing for my child at this point. My gut told me he was okay without professional help (and I felt calm because I know what number to call if we needed one), I was giving him his best remedy by holding him and breastfeeding him, I was attentive, present, and most of all, he seemed content and okay with it. Of course he’s uncomfortable with a fever. But his reactions and expressions told me directly that this is what he needed right now and it was okay that I didn’t look like I was doing much. And if I was running around putting icepacks on him and making soup, etc. so the scene could look like he was being cared for, I would have been the only one satisfied feeling that I was actively helping him. He may have felt worse or simply drugged out.

*  *  *

This feeling I got was very similar to what I had when I was supporting a woman in labour who was doing great on her own. She had found her rhythm, relaxation, and ritual; riding through the journey ever so calmly and mindfully. It was amazing to see. But I was at a hospital setting with other eyes, as her professional doula. I felt this twinge of panic and judgment that I had to look like I was doing something. Something more than believing in her, giving her time and space. But them I calmly reminded myself: Look at the mama. She’s definitely feeling pain but is that really pain she wants taken away from her? Is it really bothering her in the way pain would outside of labour? No. She was beautifully embracing it and all she needed (like she had originally asked me to do) was support her. That meant letting her be, helping her hold her space, and believing in her. So it was completely fine that I didn’t look like I was doing anything. Because I was and there is no need to prove it to anybody else or feel helpless. Just like how my son gently reminds me today in my arms. I need to do something for them. Not for me, not for anybody else.

Postpartum Care

Taking Care of Mom after Baby Arrives

From the Expectant Mothers Guide web-site

Many women approach motherhood with a sense of wonderment and cautious optimism. What kind of mother will I be? What kind of baby will I have? How will my life change? Will I be a good mother? Some women try to prepare for these new changes by loading up on educational materials, seminars, self-help books or informal dialogues with helpful friends and neighbors.

Surely, any new mother would agree that there are countless things to worry about, obsess over, or otherwise preoccupy your thoughts. But in the few weeks and months after giving birth, there is one imperative that stands out among the rest. No matter what else you do, no matter how hard you try to prepare and do your best — the very best thing you can do for your baby at this time is to take care of yourself. This is not simply a matter of indulgence or, “If I have time, I’ll do such and such for myself.” It is an absolute necessity.

The postpartum period is a time in a women’s life when she is most vulnerable to emotional illness. Failure to take care of yourself adequately can create the perfect opportunity for serious depression to set in. Mothers don’t spend enough time thinking about how they feel. Understandably, most of your spare energy goes toward caring for your baby. But the facts are clear: if you take care of yourself, you will strengthen the resources that will enable you to take better care of your baby.

Some guidelines for the first few weeks after birth may appear very obvious, but many women have difficulty giving themselves permission to make their needs a priority.

1. Nurture the nurturer — It can feel wonderful if you pamper yourself a little. Do whatever it takes —a manicure, pizza, long-distance phone call, haircut, a good book, etc. You will never find a better excuse to indulge in self-absorbed and, perhaps, frivolous projects. (Remember, if you feel guilty about this, you will be defeating the purpose.)

2. Sleep — If your baby is getting you up at night, it is especially important for you to find time to rest during the day. That means when your baby naps, you do not do the laundry or clean the floor. If you can’t sleep, lie down on the couch, close your eyes and try to relax. Your body needs time to recharge, especially if you are not sleeping well at night.

3. Eat nutritiously — How many times have you heard this? From your doctor, or your mother, perhaps? Eating well is one of the best ways to fortify your resources. This is especially important if you are breastfeeding. Many new mothers are worried about excessive weight gained during pregnancy and may be preoccupied with how they can reduce in the early postpartum months. This may need to be postponed for a while until you are feeling stronger. Don’t forget to watch out for excessive amounts of high-sugar snacks and caffeine. Both can cause you to feel jittery and anxious.

4. Exercise moderately — Try to get out and walk if you aren’t interested in regular aerobic activity. The fresh air will feel wonderful, and the exercise will help keep you in shape and feeling good.

5. Stay in touch with friends — Spend time with family and friends. Try to maximize the time you spend with people who will support you and help you out if necessary. Isolation can increase feelings of loneliness and depression — try to stay connected with important relationships.

Here are some additional tips:

1. Turn on your answering machine and leave it on for a while. This is a wonderful way to screen callers and decide who you are in the mood to talk to and who you can call back later, especially if you are trying to rest.

2. Your thank you notes can wait. Try not to pressure yourself into thinking that everything has to be done right now. If procrastinating is just not your style, you may have to learn to let go a little bit and realize that some of the things that you want taken care of NOW are just going to have to wait. It may be hard, but it will definitely be worth it.

3. When someone asks what they can do to help — tell them. This is no time to suffer in silence. If someone in your family has offered to assist you in some way, don’t be afraid to tell them exactly what you would like them to do. For instance, maybe a neighbor can watch your older child while you rest with the baby, or your mother-in-law can bring dinner over one night so you don’t have to cook.

4. Learn how to say “no”. Setting limits is not an easy thing to do. But this is not the time to do favors for other people or for others to take advantage of how accommodating you may be. You may find it necessary to say, “Yes, I would love for you to come over and see the baby, but I’m really tired. Maybe we can make plans for another time.”

5. Simplify everything. Laundry can wait. Your bed doesn’t have to be made every day. Take-out dinner is fine. Everything doesn’t have to be 100% perfect. Try to let go of your expectations that everything must be exactly the way it was before the baby. It’s not.

It would be nice if having a baby were as simple and as glorified as we often see it portrayed in the movies. But, alas, welcome to the sometimes exhilarating, always challenging world of dirty diapers and sleepless nights. With the emerging realization that this unfamiliar adventure has to somehow fit neatly into the framework you have put forth, it becomes clear that things are going to have to change.

Giving yourself permission to relax is not a luxury. It is vital to your well-being, and you may be surprised at how wonderful it feels!

Editorial provided by Karen Kleiman, MSW, co-author of “This Isn’t What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression”, is Clinical Director of The Postpartum Stress Center in Rosemont, Pennsylvania.

How to have less pain in labour

To lessen the pain created by labour

By: Nikiah Seeds

Having an understanding of how you personally deal with pain can be a key component to working with it during labour.

The next time you accidently hurt yourslef, like stub your toe, notice what you do to help it feel better—do you move around? Hold your breath? Curse? Cry a little? Chances are, you will use things that have worked for you in the past during labour over any new technique you may have learned!

So next time you have the chance, observe your personal way of moving through something that really hurts—remember your body and mind are both amazingly resourceful and pretty darn clever!
And only you know what works best for you more then anyone else!

Below are some tried-and-true tips for lessening the pain of labour – these are great for your partner to have in hand as suggestions to use while you are working through contractions!
But remember—if you try it and it does not feel right, your body knows best, so just move on and try something else!

Movement and positioning
Change your position often.  This can help to make the sensations lessen, as well as to work with your baby who is moving slowly down the birth canal.

Walk, Walk, Walk—did we mention walking?

Try using counter pressure – if you having a lot of low back pain, have someone press firmly where it hurts.

Reflexology and Acupressure: using reflexology during labour can be deeply relaxing and can help to speed contractions. Pressing the acupressure point 4 finger-widths above your ankle bone, or on your hand between your thumb and index finger can lower pain, as well as help your contractions get stronger.

Massage is a great way to distract from the pain. Using either hands or tools such as wooden massagers or battery-operated, pool noodles or even a tennis ball. There are several techniques that can be used.

Water: Hydrotherapy is an excellent form of relaxation. Sitting in a waterbirth pool bathtub is deeply relaxing and can help you to deal with strong contractions. Having a water birth can also help during pushing by lessening the pain of stretching.  A hot shower is also wonderful. The hot water spraying on your lower sacrum really helps with back labour.

Hot water bottle: Using either hot packs or cold packs can be extremely useful.

Distract yourself:
Bring some birth art to focus on, or a photo of a baby or loved one.
Try chanting, using words like “open” or “out” or ”low”.

Making noises such as sighing or groning and moaning are helpful ways to deal with pain and to make your body more relaxed.

Move, move, and move! Swaying your hips rhythmically, dancing or rocking back and forth are all good ways to move.

Breathing and focusing your attention on your breath- try slow breathing, deep, patterned – whatever feels right.

Try non-focused awareness: What this means is using all of your senses instead of just focusing on the one that is giving you all of the pain, which is our sense of feeling. Try listening to everything that is going on around you, really listen.  Use your sense of smell, sight, taste… all of your senses!

The terrain of pain is mainly in the brain!
Tips to help with pain and fear:
Be aware of what is happening in your body during labour.

Lessen your stress by making sure that you feel comfortable with your surroundings.

Stay home during early labour, and if you are choosing a hospital birth, you can take comforting things with you to the hospital, such as your own nightgown and pillows.
Surround yourself with caregivers that you trust.
Have a doula present.

Help your body to relax:

Relax every part of your body one by one.

Imagine your contractions as waves. You could either ride the wave as it peaks or dive under and let it wash over you.

Imagine your cervix as a flower opening.

Listen to soothing, familiar music.

Have your partner or doula massage your muscles to help with relaxation.

Try hypnosis or deep meditation. Let the contraction happen, fighting against it will only make it last longer and seem to hurt more.

Being in a quiet environment – not being asked questions during contractions and keeping chatter down can help you focus (your partner or doula can help you communicate this to others who are present if you cannot).

Read, read, read:
Reading books on this subject can also help you to get an idea of what you might like to use and what works for you.

Some suggested books are:
Birthing From Within by Pam England
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
The Thinking Womans Guide to Childbirth by Henci Goer
Mind Over Labour by Carl Jones
The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin
Easing Labour Pain by Adrianne Liebman

Nikiah Seeds is the founding Mama of Mama Goddess.

Red Raspberry Leaf Tea – Can this Herb Ease Childbirth?

by Stacelynn Caughlan

First recorded in the 1500’s, red raspberry leaf tea (Rubus ideas) has been used for centuries in Europe, China, and both North and South America. This popular tea has earned the reputation of “herb-supreme” amongst pregnant women. According to folklore it can relieve almost any discomfort of pregnancy from morning sickness to leg cramps. And there may be good reason for its reputation.

Red raspberry leaf tea is very high in an assortment of nutrients including calcium, iron, and B vitamins, all of which are very important during pregnancy. The herb also contains a variety of chemicals , most of which have yet to be identified, that produce a direct effect on the pregnant uterus. They have been shown to strengthen the uterine wall, relax smooth muscle, and help to make delivery easier and speedier by helping the uterus contract more efficiently.

Historically, women have taken raspberry leaf tea throughout their pregnancies up to and including childbirth. Many mothers extol this herb’s ability to make childbirth easier and less painful. In a letter to the editor of the medical journal The Lancet, Dr. Violet Russel wrote “somewhat shamefacedly I have encouraged expectant mothers to drink this infusion. In a great many cases labour has been free and easy from muscular spasm.”

Some women also drink the tea throughout their labour, or suck on frozen cubes made beforehand. It reportedly helps expel the placenta, and its nutritional value is thought to be responsible for encouraging and enriching the mother’s breastmilk. Many women continue to drink the tea long after childbirth as it is thought to help restore the reproductive system and continue to help nourish the new mother.

Studies have not yet been done to give us statistical data on the use of raspberry leaf tea, but as more women and health professionals discover its potential, its popularity will surely continue to grow. This is one herb that all pregnant women should have in their cupboards!

NOTE: Some medical and popular media make reference to raspberry leaf tea as something to avoid during pregnancy for risk of miscarriage. This notion stems from a study conducted in 1954 where fractions were isolated from Rubus sp. and applied in vitro to the uterine tissues of guinea pigs and frogs. The scientists discovered such things as one fraction acted as a spasmolytic whereas another caused uterine contractions. Herein lies the risk of isolating the parts of a whole. When used as a whole plant, neither action is exacerbated and the herb is deemed safe. If a mother is prone to miscarriages she may feel safer avoiding raspberry until the third trimester. This is an herb with centuries of safe use behind it, there is usually little cause for concern.

References
C.J. Briggs and K. Briggs, Canadian Pharmaceutical Journal, April 1997
Rosemary Gladstar, Herbal Healing for Women, Fireside, 1993
Richard Mabey, The New Age Herbalist, Gaia Books, 1988
Susun S. Weed, Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Year, Ash tree Publishing, 1986
Joy Gardner, Healing Yourself During Pregnancy, The Crossing Press, 1987

Click Here to see our Red Raspberry Leaf tea

Stacelynn Caughlan is a Clinical Nutritionist and Certified Herbalist who specializes in Prenatal and Pediatric Health.

The Benefits of Water Birth

By Heather Hill

Considerng a waterbirth? Think about it this way…..Wouldn’t a peacful and serene birth, with a relaxed and focused mother be a wonderful way to bring a baby into this world? Having a waterbirth is an option for Mom’s who want to give birth naturally. Childbirth is such a powerful experience for a woman. But, too often, women totally give up their power and gift of childbirth over to other people to control. Having a waterbirth gives the woman a feeling of empowerment and pride in being able to choose how she delivers her child.

What about what the baby goes through? Just imagine that your little one is as cozy and warm as can be for the past 9 months. You have given that little wonder a warm and secure environment only to have him arrive in a cold, bright and noisy world. That is why waterbirthing is such a beautiful way to bring your little wonder into this world. Imagine having your baby arrive in a warm, quite, safe and inviting environment where the first touch is your arms. I can’t think of a more beautiful way to start a relationship.

The benefits of waterbirthing is so numerous… here are just a few:

• Ease the pain of labor where only 10% of mom’s ask for pain relief
• Relaxation of mom
• Can faciltate a slow labor
• Relaxed pelvic floor
• Relieve anxiety
• Empowers the mom
• Can increase blood circulation

If you decide you want to use water to help you labor, you need to have a few things in mind. The water temperature should be around your body temperature. Be careful when entering the tub and try to enter between contractions. Make sure the tub is large enough so that you can move freely and be able to change positions to what makes you feel comfortable.

Women usually enter the tub when they are about 5-8 cm dilated. Check with your caregiver, but you should not need to worry about infection if your membranes have ruptured, as long as your are following proper hygenics.

The following are some interesting statistics about waterbirths

• The women had shorter labors.

• Cervical dilatation was more efficient- 2.5 centimeters per hour compared with 1.25 centimeters per hour for mothers who did not take advantage of water during their labors.

• The descent of the babies was twice as fast.

• The women reported less pain.

• The cesarean section rate was one-third that of traditional hospital births.

• Mothers labeled “high-risk” because of high blood pressure showed a dramatic reduction in their blood pressure within minutes of immersion in the pool.

Whether you decide to just labor in water, or have an actual waterbirth, you can still take advantage of what water has to offer.

Waterbirthing can be not only a gentle way to bring your little one into the world, but as you can see, it is also a SAFE alternative. Also, remember that being educated is the most important thing you can do to keep yourself happy and healthy throughout your pregnancy.

Sears, William, Martha Sears, and Linda Hughey Holt.  The Pregnancy Book. New York: Little, Brown and Company, 1997.

Heather Hill is the author of several natural childbirth articles.